Provoking the Volturi
by Rookiereads
Summary: Bella can't bear it when the Cullens - and her only true love - leave. She can't help wondering what would have happened if she was a vampire, if that would have prevented Edward from getting bored with her and leaving. So she makes a plan to visit a certain group of Italian royalty in a desperate bid to become a vampire - or, more likely, die trying.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

_Come back, come back, come back to me like_

_You would, you would if this was a movie_

_Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out_

_Come back, come back, come back to me like_

_You could, you could if you just said you're sorry_

_I know that we could work it out somehow_

_But if this was a movie you'd be here by now_

—If This Was A Movie, Taylor Swift

###

It was all over.

Huge, heaving sobs wracked my body and tears streamed down my face as I went deeper into the forest. **He** was gone, **he** was never coming back.

My sobs renewed, louder than before. Why was I being such a masochist? These thoughts were a knife ripping through my body, destroying any pretense of being alright. In all honesty, I the term "alright" would most likely never apply to me again. I was broken, crushed. I vaguely acknowledged the fact that somehow I had tripped and was now sprawled along the forest floor. I did not really care that much. All that mattered was that **he **didn't want me, **he** didn't love me. Perhaps **he** never had. I was pretty certain that you couldn't just stop loving someone that easily. I was just a distraction, perhaps not even the first. Maybe there had been others before me who couldn't help fall in love with **him**. I knew I couldn't have stopped myself: it had always seemed inevitable. Even though, in the back of my mind, I knew I would never deserve **him**. Why had I ever been gullible enough to believe that someone as… _incredible_ as **him** would ever want someone as plain as me?

More than ever before, I wished to embrace immortality. Perhaps Edw— **_he_** would have stayed if I wasn't so boring, so slow, so weak, so _human_. I was tormented when I realized I would grow old and wrinkled and _die_ — all without ever seeing **his** glorious immortal face again. I shook uncontrollably. Maybe, if I was beautiful and strong, **he** wouldn't have gotten bored. But I could never be one of them now. The only vampires I knew were long gone.

_But that's not right, _said a voice in the back of my head. This was the only thing that kept me from completely losing it; the vaguest curiosity. I found myself recalling a conversation from when I was still loved.

_"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there… Aro, Marcus, Caius… Nighttime patrons of the arts…"_

I winced at the anguish that rippled through me at even the memory of **his** voice. But I found that having _something_ to do besides let my misery swallow me helped my mind focus. I through myself into thinking, in hopes for some of the grief to abate. Another memory surfaced, this one from only a few months ago.

_"…so I was thinking maybe I would go to Italy and do something to provoke the Volturi…you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die."_

So that probably meant that they were dangerous. But they were vampires. No matter how horrible they were, there was the slimmest chance… did I even want to think it? There was the most minuscule chance that they might change me.

Of course, this option's chances were insurmountable compared to the odds that they would simply kill me and make me a meal. And yet— and I was coming to realize this very slowly —even that might be better than the alternative. Dealing with the pain of unrequited love and abandonment from **he** who had pledged his heart to me. I couldn't even bear to think **his** name. I was also realizing that I was incredibly selfish— the most selfish person I knew. With horror, I realized that I would rather Charlie and Renee have to deal with my _death_ than have to deal with my pain. I would rather **he** pretend to love me than let him leave to find his happiness.

I was truly the monster that **he** had always thought **himself** to be.

But I couldn't live without him. I was already dead inside. So, really, this was not a death sentence. It was my only hope for life.

One day later, I was on a plane to Italy.

###

Ok, this story is really dang irritating. I had to write it down, just to get it out of my head, and I figured I'd post it for the heck of it. It will be just as surprising to me as to you as to where it goes next. Right now, I'm just sort of rolling with it.

-Anna


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer - Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

_So this is what you meant_

_When you said that you were spent_

_And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit_

_Right to the top_

_Don't hold back_

_Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain check_

_I don't ever wanna let you down_

_I don't ever wanna leave this town_

_'Cause after all_

_This city never sleeps tonight_

-It's Time, Imagine Dragons

###

I sat up straight, statuesque, painfully aware of where I had picked up the trait. I was sitting on the airplane on the way to Italy.

To meet a family of vampires.

Who would probably kill me on sight.

…Nope, still not rendering.

I knew in my conscious mind what was happening; I made a real effort to keep from biting my nails. It would be a very bad idea to let vampires smell my blood, which would definitely happen if I chewed them down to stubs like I wanted to.

Because I was terrified, and growing more so with every passing moment as the numbness slowly evaporated. These vampires would not be the Cullens. They would not be... him. These vampires drank human blood and killed without a second thought.

But the pain of being unwanted was still there. Even now, I could feel it, a hole where my chest used to be. I breathed shallowly and rapidly, my lungs constricting. And my heart was simply not there. I knew instinctively that this reckless, idiotic suicide mission was the only thing keeping me from going completely catatonic. I resumed my stiff pose.

I recalled with pain having to break in to my own bedroom. But I needed a passport, cash, and the computer. The combined powers of Wikipedia and Google search engine had been impressive, to say the least. When I had searched _Volturi_, colorful font had asked me if I actually meant _Volterra_, which happened to be a city. In Italy.

Thank God for egotistical vampires.

So here I was, on an airplane to Pisa International Airport, in Pisa, Italy. I had used up the whole of my college savings, but no matter what happened, I wouldn't be going to college now.

…

By the time I arrived, it was roughly sometime around 11 o'clock in the morning. To me, it felt as though it was around 2 o'clock, which mad since with the 9 hour time difference. I rented the cheapest car I could find, painfully aware of my extraordinarily low funds. Interestingly enough, Google said that it was roughly a 66.6 km drive from the airport to Volterra.

I can live without the omens, thanks.

Oddly enough, I didn't feel as guilty as I should have that I probably wouldn't be returning my new Fiat 500 Sedan. Must have something to do with the fact that I was entrusting my life to a bunch of bloodthirsty vampires. On top of that, I seemed to have developed a sarcastic, fairly morbid sense of humor. Again, I blame the vampires.

Checking in to a hotel, the person at the front desk gave me in fluent Italian, _"Ciao, e benvenuti all'Hotel Villa Porta All 'Arco. Come posso aiutarti?"_

I blinked twice. The man muttered under his breath, _"Meraviglioso, un turista…"_ He then spoke directly to me in heavily accented English. "Hello, and welcome to the Hotel Villa Porta All'Arco. How can I help you?"

"I would like a room, for one night only." I replied.

"Certainly," he said. "Room seven."

I thanked him, heading to my room. I had only brought one change of clothes, and some pajamas. I didn't anticipate a long stay.

I crashed on bed and was asleep instantly.

…

Pain. Extreme pain.

_I was wandering around in the woods, looking for _**_him_**_. It was night, and the longer I looked the more panicked I got. I had been stumbling around aimlessly for what seemed like days, and I now fell to my knees. I had just been hit by a crippling realization: _**_He_**_ wasn't coming back, ever. _**_He_**_ was gone._

I bolted out of bed, screaming bloody murder. I stopped, and began breathing heavily. It was only after a few minutes that I realized there was furious rapping on the door. Opening the door, I was greeted by the sight of hotel management. He yelled quietly at me.

"_La signorina, mi scusi_, but you are disturbing the rest of our _cliente_!" he said, red in the face.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, it won't happen again!" I whispered, embarrassed, but still feeling the horrible empty feeling from the dream that wasn't a dream.

"See that it does not, or you are _fuori_, out!" he said, stomping away.

I sat on my bed, the pain returning in full force. I pulled my arms tight to my chest, as if to hold myself together. I knew that I could not go to sleep again, or the nightmare would return. With that in mind, I got dressed. After all, vampires didn't care much for sunlight.

…

I wandered around the streets of Italy, headed vaguely in the direction of the Piazza die Priori, the clock tower, which I had seen several travel brochures advertising. Volterra was intensely beautiful by night, and I suspected it would be just as stunning in the daytime. But in the middle of my contemplating, I froze.

Hurrying along a side street was a figure in a long, dark cloak. I saw a flash of a pale white hand as the figure walked incredibly gracefully and just slightly too quickly too be normal, to be _human_.

It was a vampire on the streets of Volterra.

"Wait! Stop!" I called before I could stop myself.

The vampire hesitated, then turned to me, revealing a pair of violet eyes that looked as though they could have been a result of colored contacts over blood red eyes. He hair was a dark shade of brown. "Yes?" she said in a musical, yet slightly accented voice.

My legs felt as though they could refuse to support my weight any longer at any given moment. "I know what you are. I am looking for the Volturi. And I wish to see Aro." My voice came out far stronger than I could've hoped for.

The vampire raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrows. Many emotions raced across her face, starting with surprise, and hovering around disbelief and amusement. "Well," she said, seeming to settle on amusement, "I am sure that Aro would enjoy meeting such an… _interesting_, human." She paused, seeming to think. "At least, before he eats you." She flashed me a smile, teeth glinting with venom, and held out her hand for me to take. "My name is Heidi."

I took her hand, refusing to flinch at the cold marble feeling I had grown used to over the last few months. "Bella," I said. "Isabella Swan."

"Pleased to meet you, Bella." she said, a bit impressed despite herself. "Welcome to Volterra."

###

Ok, so first of all, a HUGE thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed favorited, etc. I'm glad that you seem to like it so far.

Second: I know the lyrics aren't exactly perfect, but hey, I thought I'd through in the bit of humor about the city never sleeping. Trying for some vampire humor, here. Feel free to recommend song that you think might fit better with the theme of the story.

Finally, the translations. When Bella arrives at the hotel, the check-in person says, "Hello, and welcome to Hotel Villa Porta All 'Arco. How can I help you?" When he realizes that she isn't Italian, he says, "Wonderful, a tourist…" The part where he is yelling at Bella, he is saying, "Miss, pardon me, but you are disturbing the rest of our guests!"

Next chapter is where she meets the Volturi!

-Anna


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

_Another one bites the dust_

_Another one bites the dust_

_And another one gone, and another one gone_

_Another one bites the dust_

_Hey, I'm gonna get you too_

_Another one bites the dust_

-Another One Bites the Dust, Queen

###

I followed Heidi wordlessly through the streets. I did, however, raise an eyebrow when she motioned for me to enter a surprisingly average looking lobby down one street. She rolled her eyes.

"We can hardly have a medieval castle announcing our existence," she said, edging on humor.

I just shrugged, my earlier courage having long since abandoned me.

The castle did, indeed, get more medieval the deeper you went. We eventually arrived at a reception area. I was shocked to see that a human was sitting behind the desk.

"Oh, yes, Gianna knows," said Heidi when asked. She lowered her voice so that only I could hear her. "Not that she'll live long enough to tell anyone." She giggled, as though she had just said something immensely funny. I decided it was in my best interests to remain silent.

We went down a hallway and stood outside of a pair of ordinate golden doors. Heidi knocked just once. "Aro? You have a visitor," she called out softly.

The door was pulled open by a blond-haired, full-lipped cherub, diminutive in size. She hissed in shock at the sight of me. "What is this?" she adressed Heidi, looking at me.

"She came to see Aro," said Heidi, pulling me past the girl, who had a murderous expression on her face. But I could not focus on either of them, because I now saw the contents of the room.

There were a handful of vampires in the tower, all of whom immediately turned there attention to me. They were illuminated by moonlight that entered the room through slits at the top of the tower. They were all wearing floor length cloaks that were a number of shades of dark grey or black, and all had blood red eyes. One vampire with midnight hair and wearing a black cloak stepped forward.

"Hello, my dear!" he called, seeming confused but delighted. "I hear you seek an audience with me? What would your name be?"

"Bella," I whispered. I realized after a few seconds that no sound had come out. "I'm Isabella Swan, but I prefer Bella." I said, much more strongly this time. "Are you Aro?"

The vampire seemed thrilled with my apparent bravery. "Indeed I am. And why would you be here, my Bella? Surely you know what company you keep?"

I nodded, wondering how to phrase my request. "It's a bit of a long story…" I began hesitantly. I hadn't counted on having to relate the painful events that led me to this place.

Aro clapped his hands twice. "Wonderful! I do so love stories," he said. "But there's no need for you to relate your stories. I assume you know that many of my kind posses gifts?"

"Yes," I said, uncertain where he was going with this.

"Well, Isabella," he said indulgently, "I can read your life story with physical contact."

"Oh," I said. "Is that like… reading minds?"

He nodded.

"I don't think it will work." After all, it hadn't worked with **him**… I shut down that train of thought before the pain returned.

Aro appeared shocked for a moment, then smiled sympathetically, the sort of expression you wear when correcting a small child. "But of course it will. It has never before failed."

This irritated me slightly. "Well, we will have to see," I said. "How do you normally read someone?"

"I need only take your hand." Aro stated, looking pleased.

I offered him my hand palm up. He drifted forward and placed two fingers on it.

After only about two seconds, he removed my hand, seemingly baffled but somehow more thrilled than before. "How _interesting_!" he exclaimed. Then he addressed the rest of the vampires, whom I had all but forgotten. "It appears young Bella has a gift of her own. I cannot read her mind."

This was met with shocked silence from the room. The blonde girl broke it by shrieking, "But she's _human_!"

"Yes, Jane," chuckled Aro. "How strong her gift must be to manifest so clearly even before the change!" When he looked at me now, his eyes were wistful with a hint of greed. "I wonder…" Then he shook his head. "But I suppose now you must tell us your story by conventional methods."

I stood still for a moment, gathering my thoughts, and wondering how to proceed. "My past is… unpleasant." I began. "I do not think that it is relevant to this conversation." I continued, raising my voice to be heard among the gasps and hisses of protest. "What you need to know is that I wish to escape my more… unpleasant… memories by death — or by vampire life."

Silence.

Aro broke it with a series of chuckles that turned into full-blown laughter. "Bella," he said, "you are truly an enigma. I could, of course, make you one of us — on one condition. As you probably know, we, the Volturi, are dedicated to keeping order among vampires. We could use your talents, which would surely be substantial after the change."

Another vampire in a black robe growled loudly. "Aro — her life is forfeit!"

Aro looked shocked. "But Caius — what a waste! Surely you see how _helpful_ Isabella could be to us!"

Caius said nothing, only glared hostilely at me.

"Bella," said Aro, almost kindly, "Would you like to be a vampire?"

No. No, I did not. But then I thought of **him** — of — of **Edward**.

The pain in my chest grew unbearable as I nodded once.

Aro looked ecstatic. "Oh, Bella!" he exclaimed. "We will have so much _fun_ together!" He bit me once on the neck, so fast I couldn't decipher the motion.

"Felix. Demetri." he ordered, pointing to me. Two vampires came forth, picked me up, and began carrying me away.

"Welcome to the guard!" he said as I was carted away.

I did not notice the burning. The pain in my torso was too great as I thought of my love, of Edward.

I would not be apart from him for much longer.

###

On my choice of song. It would probably be best for everyone involved if I just stopped including it. I'm not going to, of course. It's way too much fun, and I hope that you guys appreciate my sense of humor, however twisted. Just wait till you see the _next_ chapter!

This chapter was kind of dramatic. Ok, so maybe it was **_really_** dramatic. Aro was really fun to write.

Bella's finally a vampire! Oh, and just so you know, she will be more powerful than in the books. If you really need a reason why, then I'll say it had to do with the stress surrounding her transformation or something like that, but really I just think it's more fun like that.

Thanks for reading! Review, follow, etc.

-Anna


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

_Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes_

_(Turn and face the strange)_

_Ch-ch-changes_

_Don't want to be a richer One_

_Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes_

_(Turn and face the strange)_

_Ch-ch-changes_

_Just gonna have to be a different one_

_Time may change me_

_But I can't trace time_

-Changes, Butterfly Boucher feat. David Bowie, Shrek 2

###

Pain is a very strange thing.

All throughout my body, there was a searing pain. I was burning, I was on fire. I had never felt torment such as this before. This was so much worse in than anything my body had ever gone through.

And yet, it paled in comparison with my mental pain.

As I burned, I allowed myself to go through every moment Edward had spent with me. When we first met, each time he saved my life, when I had found out he was a vampire. Every time he told me he loved me, and the time he revealed that it had all been lies. This rendered the physical pain so inconsequential that I barely noticed it. It felt as though I had spent all of eternity lying in the fetal position on the cold stone floor where Felix and Demetri had left me.

So I hardly noticed when the physical pain began to dim. I did, however, notice when I began to hear conversations that surely weren't meant for me.

"Amazing. She hasn't cried out once, never begged for death. Could this be part of her gift?"

"Possibly. Of course, it could be completely unrelated. Her blood did smell excellent, though."

"Yes, very floral. Like freesias."

"Mmm. Just thinking about it makes me hungry. Lucky Aro…"

"I wonder how much longer until she wakes up…"

"It can't be long now…"

Eventually, my human memories of Edward began to run out. They didn't fade, however. It was as though they were simply in storage, and could be reviewed in detail whenever I felt so inclined.

Unfortunately, this left me free to feel the brunt of the flames. I stifled a gasp as I, for the first time, grasped how strong they truly were. Yet, they were bearable. I had already gone through worse pain, a thousand times worse.

This statement was put to the test as, impossibly, the fire in my chest _grew stronger_. I focused on Edward's face. It suddenly seemed so dim. Even my clearest memories seemed like I had both my eyes squinting, barely open. I felt the urge to open my eyes, and really _see_. But then my heart took off, beating a thousand times a minute, and all I could focus on was the torture.

Then my heart stopped, and was silent. A sigh escaped my lips, _"Edward."_ My eyes snapped open.

That was the first time I had said Edward's name since he left.

I took in my surroundings. I was in a damp underground room made of stone, a dungeon. I was a vampire.

I had imagined this scenario a thousand times when I was human. But every time I had imagined it, Edward had been right by my side when I woke up.

Now I had eternity. My eyesight was incredible, picking up minute flaws in the stone walls. I was probably beautiful, not that I had any way to tell.

I wanted none of it. I only wanted Edward. And now I had eternity and I might never see him again.

What had I done?

I culled up into a ball and sobbed, lamenting the lack of tears that would never fall again. Eventually, I remembered my situation. I stood up and eyed the lock on the door to the dungeon. It was made of solid iron, but suddenly it seemed so flimsy. I reached out with two fingers and crushed it, using only the smallest amount of pressure to reduce it to sand. I found myself in a hallway full of rooms similar to mine. I felt a wave of despair. How would I ever find my way out.

A flash of intuition struck me. I suddenly felt as though I could just reach out with my mind and see where everything was, if I only tried hard enough. So I sat down on the dungeon floor, criss-cross applesauce, and put my hands on my temple. I felt something I hadn't before; a layer around my mind. I slowly pealed it away. It took much more effort then I had been expecting.

Five minutes later, I had only succeeded in extending it by twenty feet. Frustrated, I lashed out at my shield, mentally punching and prodding it. During this exercise, I noticed something I hadn't before. Part of my mind was still clinging to my shield, preventing it from extending as far as I wanted to do. Curiously, I severed this link.

My shield exploded.

I knew without having to be told that it covered over one hundred square miles. Forget about the castle. I could cover the entire city of Volterra.

There were dots of light under my shield: hundreds of stars under the sky of my shield. I poked one. Immediately, I received an influx of Italian that I understood perfectly. It was a woman named Emileè who was wondering what to have for dinner tonight. I knew instinctively that I could find out any information that I wanted from her, if I only looked a bit harder.

I was intimately familiar with all the streets and buildings in the city. I would have no problems exiting the dungeons.

It seemed, however, that I would not need to navigate the dungeons on my own. There were specks of light moving towards me an incredible speed. These specks were tinged with red, rather than the white of the people. Instinctively, I threw out another shield, with the intent of stopping them.

The shield did its job. Nine members of the Volturi — Aro, Marcus, Caius, Jane, Felix, Alex, Demetri, Heidi, Santiago — ran into an invisible wall twenty feet from me. I could feel their shock, their astonishment. I saw through their eyes an extraordinary sight.

A breathtakingly beautiful vampire was siting in a position similar to mine. Her mahogany hair was nearly down to her hips, and her features were magnificent. Her lips were full, and her skin was devoid of all color and the texture of marble. However, her irises were pure white, ringed with black. She was staring at nothing, her expression blank.

And then it clicked.

It was me. The girl had my features, and the hair was the same color as mine. As soon as I realized this, my consciousness once again snapped within the confines of my mind, and my physical shield was down once again. But none of the vampires moved towards me. They simply stared.

Sheepishly, with a voice like cascading crystals, I said, "Hello, Aro."

###

I'm still laughing over my song choice for this one. Seriously, I was listening to that the whole time I was writing this, and it was contrasting _so badly_ with the mood of the story. Ah, I crack myself up.

I'm not gonna lie, this chapter was extremely fun to write. What powers did I give Bella? Let's recount. All the normal vampire powers (except I might choose to make her faster and stronger than 99.9% of vampires), plus she can shield herself and others from mental powers, has a physical shield, can sense her surroundings, reads minds, and senses emotions. Anything else? Oh yeah, she's got freaky white eyes. _And_ she's extraordinarily beautiful for a vampire. Yep, she's pretty OP (over powered).

Wouldn't it be mean of me to leave you on that cliffy for a couple days?

-Anna


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

When the days are cold

And the cards all fold

And the saints we see

Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail

And the ones we hail

Are the worst of all

And the blood's run stale

When you feel my heat

Look into my eyes

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close

It's dark inside

It's where my demons hide

It's where my demons hide

-Demons, Imagine Dragons

###

Aro was the first person to overcome his shock. "Bella, dear!" he said breathlessly, getting more and more elated as the scope of my power sunk in. He knew I was a mental shield, and now he knew I had a physical shield as well, far stronger than that of Renata, a shield he had found a few decades back.

All of this I picked from his mind.

"I see you've discovered a few… abilities," continued Aro, eyes shining with excitement and a hint of… was is greed? Without my new abilities, I would not have been able to pick this up.

"Yes," I said, startling a bit at the melodic quality of my voice. "It appears I have picked up a few new talents." I smiled slightly at the understatement.

"Would you care to tell us…" trailed off Aro. I hesitated, but seeing no harm in it, I explained my sets of shields.

"It appears that I have a mental shield that I can expand at will, to somewhere just over a hundred square miles," I began, ignoring the gasps of astonishment. "This shield works a bit like a map, illuminating my surroundings, and can pick up points of light that appear to represent consciousness or life. I feel confident that I could identify individual people with practice. This allows me to sense their thoughts and emotions. For example," I expanded my shield a bit, "Right now the one known as Jane feels positively murderous towards me, and appears to be attempting to cause me pain with her thoughts. I also seem to have picked up a physical shield." At that, I decided a demonstration was in order, and used my second shield to throw one of the vampires (Santiago, according to his thoughts) a good twenty yards down the dungeon hallway.

I was met with silence once again, until Aro began clapping loudly. "Oh, well done, Bella!" he said enthusiastically. "The day we met you was fortunate indeed."

I followed the guard up the stairs and through winding hallways, until we approached the room where I had first been introduced to the Volturi. With one hand on the doorframe, Aro turned to me and smiled. "Heidi has brought you a gift," he said, opening the door. "You must be thirsty."

Getting my first view into the room, I was hit my the most incredible, the most appealing scent. Standing in the center of the room was a small, dark woman, with a rosemary around her neck. When she saw me, her eyes widened and she began speaking what was evidently a plea for help in Romanian. I breathed deeply, the scent setting my throat on fire. I attacked. Instantly, she was in my grasp. I brought her throat to my neck, intent on piercing her skin with my newly incredibly sharp fangs.

Edward's face flashed through my mind.

I froze. I was revolted with myself. The woman was screaming and crying and praying all at once. I stopped breathing, picked up the woman, and ran her far away from the castle. From her mind, I picked out that she lived a few thousand miles from here, in a small village. I started running, and didn't stop until I was a few feet outside of her village, so that her house was in sight but we were not. Then I looked into her eyes.

She was staring at me with a mixture of shock, anger, horror, and awe. I reached out to her mind with my shield and found her memories of the events. In the process, I found out that her name was Nicolae. She had a husband and three children, and was Christian. She thought I was one of God's angels, sent to save her from the red-eyed demons.

I snorted. With my white eyes, she couldn't tell that I _was_ one of the red-eyed demons. Probably the worst of them — I had asked for this, _begged_ for this, because I wanted to chase after a man who didn't want me and never had. With horror, I realized I didn't deserve Edward. How must Charlie feel right now? Renee? I sank to my knees, my face contorted into an expression belaying terrible suffering. No wonder Edward didn't want me. I was the true monster.

Just then, something extraordinary happened. I felt a trail of heat on my face. Looking up with shock, I realized that Nicolae had run her hand along my face. She saw that I was looking at her incredulously, and attempted a small smile.

_"Nu știu ce ești, dar te rog, nu fi trist." _she said._ "Ați făcut un lucru bun. Fie ca Dumnezeu să fie cu tine."_

I looked into her mind for the translation and was shocked by what I found.

_I don't know what you are, but please, don't be sad. You have done a good thing. May God be with you._

"I have done a terrible thing," I said softly, with sorrow. Then I searched her mind for a phrase that I wanted to communicate.

Just before I removed her memories, I told her a phrase softly. _"Nu ţine minte."_

She nodded once, and closed her eyes as I removed her memories of the event. Then I ran back to Volterra, the bloodlust now so completely manageable that it seemed astonishing I could have ever lost control.

_Nu ţine minte._ Forget.

If only I could.

###

This is definitely the most serious chapter that I've written yet. I'm sort of proud of it. Bella was originally intending on rejoining Edward as soon as possible, but now she thinks she doesn't deserve him, because of the mess she made and because she now believes herself to be a monster. Sigh. Those two can never catch a brake, can they?

-Anna


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life  
Well, I've had just enough time

-If I Die Young, The Band Perry

###

I ran back to Volterra, killing and drinking a few elk on the way. The experience was somewhat surreal. It was easy enough to catch them, but I got blood all over my outfit. I ran back to the castle once night had fallen. Taking a deep breath, I entered the tower where the Volturi were waiting.

Shock filled them as they took in my appearance; my clothes were ripped and stained with blood. But more striking to them was the fact that my eyes were now a dark butterscotch.

"Bella," called Aro hesitantly. "Have you… eaten?"

"As a matter of fact, I drank several deer before returning." I stated matter-of-factly. There was a collective gasp, and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes. Would they ever stop being surprised by my antics?

"Animal blood?" said Aro skeptically. "That's… interesting. It seems as though you have adopted the feeding habits of my friend Carlisle in the Olympic Coven. He too showed an aversion to our natural food source during his last visit. Speaking of which, what have you done with the human?"

I had been struggling to keep my face blank at the mention of my almost father-in-law, and I now had to pull myself together to answer his question. "I have wiped her memory and returned her to her home."

At the mention of wiping minds, Aro's eyes shot up to his hairline and many members of the guard looked uneasy. "Ah," he managed, "a new… gift of yours?"

I nodded once.

"Ah." he repeated. Then he moved on to a new topic. "Jane. Please find Bella something to wear."

Jane did not look happy, but she consented. "Of course, Aro."

She led me to a bathroom. She motioned for me to get into the shower, and I did so. It was the first shower I had had since becoming a vampire. It felt odd, off somehow. The water was much warmer on my skin, but it didn't provide the same relief it had when I was still soft and breakable.

When I had finished, I wrapped myself in a towel and stepped out of the shower. Jane was nowhere to be found. I looked up, and saw myself in a mirror for the first time since my transformation.

My skin was as pale as the Cullens' now, and my eyes were the same gold, if not slightly darker, as if I had gone a week or so without hunting anything. My features were still my own, but they had been improved upon and perfected. My hair was the same shade of brown, but it looked thicker and lovelier with my pale skin then it ever had as a human. All put together, I was as beautiful as any other vampire I had encountered. I sighed, disgusted with myself.

Looking to the counter, I saw that Jane had set out a white sundress of eyelet lace. Hardly appropriate wear for fall, but I supposed I would never have to worry about being cold again. Picking it up, I noticed a dark cloak. It was barely a shade lighter than those of Aro, Marcus, and Caius, and much darker than Jane's or Alex's, who had the next darkest cloaks. I supposed that meant I was their right-hand vampire.

I donned both garments.

…

_10 YEARS LATER_

**Edward's POV:**

Agony.

I had felt nothing else for almost 10 years. Today was September thirteenth— **her** birthday. She would be twenty-eight. I was still seventeen, and would likely be so for the rest of eternity.

My entire being rejected that statement. No. I would only be alive as long as she was. After that… I would follow her as soon as I could. She had probably forgotten me by now anyway. It had been ten years. That was a very long time for humans, I knew. She had probably moved on with her life, her normal, _human_ life.

And so I was going to check on her.

I was probably setting myself up for a repeat of the agony that I had faced that night in the forest, the excruciating pain that had made me practically comatose for years, until I began hunting Victoria. But then she disappeared sometime around six years ago, and I had temporarily lost touch with the world once again. I hadn't seen my family for the last two years, since that Chrismas. Rosalie and I had gotten into a fight. I remembered it now.

…

_"Edward. When are you going to move on? You've been stuck on that human for years now, and we never see you anymore!" snapped Rosalie, fury in her eyes._

'What was so special about her?' _she wondered in her thoughts. _'He did the right thing leaving her behind, but she's _still_ the only thing he can think about! It's ridiculous!'

_I sucked in a breath and narrowed my eyes. Rose knew that this topic was taboo, forbidden. Esme was in the corner, looking worried. "Rosalie…" she began._

_"No!" shouted Rosalie, on a roll. "It's pathetic. He needs to move on already. I bet _she_ has. She's probably married with children and there's _nothing Edward can do about it,_ because it's what you chose for her when you _left_!"_

_I knew that Rose did not deserve my anger. She was simply jealous that Bella could still have children, was still human. She just wanted me to stop avoiding the entire family. _

_This knowledge did not prevent me from becoming murderously angry._

_"I'm leaving," I said softly, dangerously. "You won't see me for a while."_

_"No!" cried Esme. "No, Edward… Rosalie! Rose, what have you done?" _

Goodbye_ was my parting word to the only family I had known in over one hundred years._

…

I took deep breaths to keep away the pain I felt every time I thought of her, of my Bella. _Not my Bella_, I reminded myself. _Not anymore._

It was shocking how much difference the absence of that one word made.

Right now, I was running to Forks. Because as unbearable as seeing her then having to leave would be, this_ not knowing_ was worse. So much worse. I wasn't even concerned about the temptation of her blood. It paled in comparison to the emptiness I faced every day.

I had been running for a little over a day. I had been in Brazil, investigating a lead on Victoria that had turned out to be false, like all the others. I had decided to start looking for Bella in Forks, figuring that even though she was probably long gone, I could at least get some clues as to her location. I was practically shaking with the anticipation of seeing her beautiful face again after all these years. I knew that she would never stop being the loveliest thing I had ever seen in my existence, no matter how old or wrinkled she got.

And now, I was here. I was standing outside of her house, looking up at the window I had entered so many times. I already knew that she wasn't here, hadn't been for many years. I snuck in her window, the deja vu stifling. All of her CDs, all her clothes were still there. That was odd. There was no reason to be worried by this, and yet… I was getting a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stealthily crept down the stairs. It was about seven o'clock, and Charlie was sitting on the couch, watching the baseball game but not looking as though he saw it. He looked terrible, and he had lost weight in the last ten years. His eyes were hollow and sunken. Every once in a while his eyes flickered to the fridge, and he sighed. I peered from the shadows at what he was looking at. It was a picture of Bella from ten years ago. That was strange. Wouldn't he have a more recent picture if she moved out? Unless…

The horrible feeling in my stomach became almost unbearable. I ran towards the last place I had ever dreamed of looking for Bella.

Among the rows of gray cement markers, I saw a sight that would haunt my for the rest of my existence, which I would make as short as possible.

_**ISABELLA MARIE SWAN**_

_**BORN SEPTEMBER 13TH, 1987**_

_**MISSING SEPTEMBER 16TH, 2005**_

_**PRESUMED DEAD**_

_**R.I.P.**_

I was on my knees now, shaking, sobbing uncontrollably. September sixteenth, ten years ago. Three days after her birthday.

The day I left.

_Oh, Bella, what have you done?_

I stood swiftly, unsteady on my feet for the first time since I had been reborn, still shaking.

I needed to pay a visit to the Volturi. I couldn't bear to be alive much longer.

###

OMG it's so dramatic!

Edward thinks Bella's dead, so he's going to the Volturi… where BELLA is! Now the song makes sense. I should write soap operas.

So, yes, you finally dish get so see inside Edward's pretty little mind! Hope you liked it! I'm not sure if I'll write like that again. Maybe, if you want me to.

-Anna


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

Though I've never been through hell like that

I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone

Or you're sinking like a stone.

Carry on.

May your past be the sound

Of your feet upon the ground.

Carry on.

Carry on, carry on

-Carry On, Fun.

###

The ground beneath my bare feet felt soft and smooth, despite the numerous rocks that dotted the woods. I hardly noticed their presence; they caused no discomfort for my marble skin. I had the oddest sense of deja vu, running through these woods, but I pushed it to the side. I flexed my shield, reaffirming the position of the rapidly fleeing vampire. I gave a knowing grimace. This was the fastest of my kind that I had come across in the decade I'd been with the Volturi, and yet, I was easily and rapidly outstripping him. I hurtled a chasm that opened up right in front of me, the particular talent of this vampire. I thought his name was Benjamin. Of course, that was why Aro wanted him. It went almost without saying that I would track him down. His extraordinary manipulation of the elements and the earth made him a formidable opponent, and I was the only one that had the skill necessary to catch him.

I decided I had let this go on for long enough. I put on a burst of speed and tackled the vampire to the ground. He struggled for a while. I put an end to this quickly by locking him in such a position that he couldn't move an inch.

"I suppose Aro sends he greetings?" Benjamin snarled venomously. He was very young for a vampire, only fifteen or sixteen, if that.

"Indeed." My reply was expressionless, without a hint of emotion. I had perfected his mask over the years. It came in handy when my mind wandered to less safe topics, such as my lost love. I sighed, suddenly immeasurably weary. "But I presume you do not wish to make his acquaintance."

"Uh, hell no!" he stated, as if it should be obvious. Which I suppose it was.

"Then, leave." I said, releasing him from my hold.

He bolted to his feet, as if concerned I'd change my mind, then hesitated. "You're serious?"

"Dead." I said, straight faced. He almost smiled at my near joke, then looked confused. "Your eyes are yellow. I thought I'd been imagining it before, but there's no mistake from this close up. How is that possible? And why are you letting me go? I was sure the Volturi would have given you explicit orders to not come back without me."

"My eyes are yellow, because I choose to feed off animals, rather than humans." I ignored his gasp of surprise. "And yes, the Volturi did tell me to bring you back. However, I do not necessarily agree with this order. If I had brought you back, a talented vampire would use her power to form a false bond between the Volturi and yourself. I do not think this is ethical, to use that sort of trickery to force you to join us. Therefore, I am letting you go."

He looked confused. "Won't the Volturi punish you for disobeying?"

I flashed him a grin. "They can't. There is a reason they sent me for this mission. I am unusually talented, even among them."

Benjamin studied me. "I would ask what your gift was, but I have a feeling I would not receive an answer."

"Your suspicions would be correct."

Now he grinned. "It's been… not entirely terrible meeting you. What is your name?"

"Bella. I will do my best to make sure they do not simply send someone else to hunt you down, yet I have a feeling you could evade any other vampire easily enough."

"Probably," he agreed smugly. "Bye, Bella."

"Goodbye."

And he was gone.

I decided that it was time for a hunt. It had been a few days, and I had about a week before my eyes began to resemble a white gold color. Whenever I went more than a week without feeding, they returned to the same white they had been at the start of my new life, growing lighter with time rather than darker. I tried to prevent them from becoming completely white. As rare as yellow eyes were, no human had white eyes. It was unheard of. I was a freak among both my kind and theirs. This thought depressed me more than I thought it should have.

Of course, I was now fluent in Italian, not to mention French, Chinese, Japanese, Portuguese, Spanish, etc. And Romanian — for sentimental purposes. I had mastered my gift to such a degree that my control was nearly flawless and my range had doubled. This, along with my numerous other gifts, had made me by far the most valuable member of the Volturi, more so than even Aro. Not to mention, my looks had been greatly improved by the transformation, evidently. A few times, they had tried to convince me to go "fishing" with Heidi.

I vehemently refused.

I sighed, a bit depressed that I should, by my own making, have everything but the one thing I truly wanted. I returned my attention to hunting. I caught hint of the scent of a lynx, my favorite. It would barely make a snack, yet I hunted it down anyway. When I was through, I made to grab a few elk, but then I stopped. I realized why this area seemed so familiar to me.

I was back in Forks.

Once I knew where I was, the pain in my chest returned full-fledged. But there were some things I needed to see before I left.

First, I went to the Cullen's house. I had almost forgotten what it looked like. I stood outside the graceful white house, taking in all the details I had missed as a human. Then I took a deep breath, and went inside. Everything was exactly how they had left it. Immediately, I noticed the grand piano, standing gracefully as ever on the platform by the door. I played the first few measures of Clair de Lune. I had become an acceptable pianist during my free time with the Volturi. I stopped, knowing that wasn't really the song I wanted to hear. Calling up my dusty human memories, I began playing my lullaby. I was only halfway through before I began shaking, and my playing suffered accordingly. I stopped altogether, and wrapped my arms around my body. Rationally, I knew that I was unlikely to just fall apart from grief, yet that was exactly what it seemed was happening. I had to get out of here.

Running full tilt, I reached within seconds the place I had gone when I realized Edward was a vampire. It seemed just as peaceful to me now as it had then. I sat on the same fallen tree and stared off into the distance at the same point. But now I was irrevocably changed, and I couldn't go back. Not ever.

Sighing, I stood up. I had meant to see Charlie anyway. I continued down the path back to the house, reaching it in moments. Then I stiffened.

Edward's scent was here. And it was only hours old.

I could not think of a reason Edward would come here, ten years later. In fact… hadn't it been exactly ten years? No, it had been 9 years and 362 days. In fact… today was my birthday. He came back on my birthday.

Why?

Shaking my head, I crept around to a window where I could see Charlie. He looked terrible. Had I done this to him? My guilt tripled.

But I had to know why Edward had been here. I followed his scent in through my window, up the tree. He had gone into the shadows of the kitchen, then left through the frond door. The trail led to an odd place: the Forks cemetery.

It stopped in front of my gravestone.

This confused me. I wasn't sure what to think about the fact that Edward assumed I was dead. I sat there for a while, and looked at the stone proclaiming that I was no longer among the living. After a few minutes, or it could've been hours, I sensed a presence that felt vaguely familiar come under my shield. It was a vampire, judging by the speed at which it was moving. While I was trying to remember where I knew him or her, I struck a defensive pose and threw out a physical shield. I saw a black haired vampire with golden eyes slam into it. My physical shield dropped in shock. "A—Alice?"

"Bella!" she sobbed. "Oh, Bella, what happened to you? Never mind, we'll get to that later. It's Edward— he thinks you're dead!"

So, apparently Edward thinking me dead was a bad thing. But why? "So?"

"Bella, don't you understand? He's going to Volturi and asking to _die_! I've seen it!"

My dead heart froze.

###

Aaaaannd... Cliffie! At this point in the story, you might start to see some similarities between the origional New Moon and my version. Fear not, there _will_ be a happy resolution.

-Anna


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in in belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

_Every night you cry yourself to sleep_

_Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?_

_Why does every moment have to be so hard?"_

_Hard to believe that_

_It's not over tonight_

_Just give me one more chance to make it it right_

_I may not make it through the night_

_I won't go home without you._

-Won't Go Home Without You, Maroon 5

###

I stood there, unmoving, as only a vampire could be. I could barely manage a word. "Wha..?"

"I know!" shouted Alice. "We have to _go! Now!"_

This shocked me into action. I whipped out my cell phone and called Aro, who was on speed dial. He was the only number I had. I suppose you could call it a work phone.

"Aro." I said, brief.

"Bella, dear!" he said, sounding pleased and surprised. "Have you... convinced... young Benjamin to pay us a visit?"

"No."

"Well, why are you calling then? We would so love an addition to the family... He could even be a companion of yours!"

"_No."_ I repeated, not bothering to hide the disgust from my voice. "No, I am calling because of a completely unrelated event. A vampire will come to you and ask for a... favor. Do not grant it to him."

"I see. Is there a reason behind this request?"

"Yes."

He waited for that reason for a few moments before replying. "... I'll see what I can do, my dear."

"Be sure you do." I said, hanging up.

Alice was staring at me, shocked. "Why the heck do you have Aro on speed dial? No, wait, first: what are you wearing?" She had just noticed my dark cloak that identified me as a member of the guard. "Actually, before that- how the heck are you a vampire? Bella... _What happened to you!?"_

I was, for the first time since I had become a vampire completely worn out. "Alice. I will answer your questions eventually, but first, don't you think we ought to get to Volterra?"

She hesitated for a fraction of a second, before agreeing with me. However, the look in her eyes said that this was not over.

I purchased our plane tickets with a shiny black card that dubbed me _Isabella Volturi_. Alice eyed this suspiciously, before her eyes widened in recognition. She did not, however, broach the subject before we were on the plane and had taken off. A quick inspection of her mind revealed that she wanted to go Spanish Inquisition on me in a place were I couldn't escape her easily. I let out a small chuckle, causing Alice to look at me like I was crazy.

Eventually, we were in the plane. Alice turned to me. "So." she said flatly. "Imagine seeing you, in Forks, a vampire, when we had left you safely human just ten years ago." It was clearly a demand for me to spill it. I grimaced with shame.

"When he left... He left me broken, Alice. I couldn't go on, couldn't see anything worth living for. And I was tormented, wondering if he left me because I was just to plain for someone like him. Too boring, too average."

Alice's eyes widened. "Bella- where did you ever get the idea that he was _bored?" _Her voice was almost a whisper by the end.

"He told me," I said miserably.

"He _told-"_

"It's not important, Alice." I said. I couldn't stand her pity on top of my own. "So, feeling sorry for myself, I recalled old conversations from when... from when he still..." _From when he still loved me._ I cleared my throat. "I remembered mentions of a group called the Volturi, who were vampires. I couldn't stand the thought that I would grow old and die while he was seventeen forever. Also... Even though I knew I shouldn't, I hoped, that maybe he wouldn't think I was so boring when I wasn't weak and plain..." I hated this. I hated recounting how naïve and pathetic I was. I hated the sympathy in Alice's eyes. Still, I knew that I had to continue. "The next day, I flew to Volterra, contacted the Volturi, and asked them to change me." Alice gasped.

"Bella..." she began hesitantly. "Bella, I know you felt, but-"

My eyes narrowed dangerously. _"Do you? Do you really know how I felt?"_

I knew I was overreacting, but this was the first time I had truly felt anger, had truly felt _anything_, since my transformation. This made it so much stronger than it ever had been as a human. I reached out for her mind, and _forced_ her to feel how I had felt when he told me he didn't want me to come with, when he had said I was no good for him, when I realized he was absolutely right, that I would never be good enough for him. Not as a human. Then, later, when the pain of my transformation had paled in comparison to the pain of my memories. when I had nearly murdered an innocent woman. When I realized how badly I had hurt Charlie and Renee and even Angela probably, how much grief I had caused them. When I realized that I would never be good enough for Edward, monster that I was. The pain I had felt over the last ten years, never fading, never dulling. Just hours ago, seeing his house, playing his music. The feeling that I was in pieces and would never be whole again.

Alice was doubled over, gasping in pain. My anger was gone now, lost in seas of misery. I abruptly felt terrible. "Oh, Alice!" I gasped. "I'm so sorry. That's not your burden to bear."

She was recovering a bit, but she still looked horrible. "God, Bella, you've been living with _that_ for ten years? How did you function?"

I shrugged helplessly. I knew that my memories would be fading in her mind soon, because they were not truly her own.

Alice looked positively furious. "If we save Edward and make it back alive, I will _kill_ him for doing this to you."

I was shocked. "No, Alice, it's not his fault. I shouldn't have gotten in so deep. I should have thought a little and realized Edward wouldn't have wanted his ex following him around, bugging him for eternity. I have no one to blame but myself."

Alice snorted. "Don't you _dare_ try to blame this on yourself!"

I looked at her sadly. "There's no one else to blame."

I could tell that she was about to argue with me, so I just said, "Can we please not talk about this now?"

She stayed quiet.

...

A couple hours later, Alice gasped with horror. Then she wiped her expression blank. "You have a phone call," she said tonelessly.

Two seconds later, my phone rang. I answered it.

"Bella!" trilled Aro. "Your visitor came. How do _you_ know the latest members of Carlisle's coven?"

"It's not important." I said flatly. "Did you read him?"

Aro sighed regretfully. "No. He appeared to be a mind reader, similar to yourself, only not so powerful, and with less control." By the end of the sentence, he sounded just slightly smug. They had not yet been able to find anyone who could possibly beat me, or even come close. I had not shared with them the fact that Chelsea's bonds had never worked on me, and never would.

"He did seem depressed, and asked for death quite persistently. He was denied. Of course, even if you had not requested that we do such, we would have spared him. We would not want to anger our friend Carlisle. In fact, we requested that he join our guard." Aro chuckled. "His reply was... colorful."

I processed this information. The Volturi still did not know who I was. Doubtlessly Edward had prevented Aro from touching him so that he would not punish the rest of the family for revealing their secret to a human, no matter that the human was presumed dead. Of course, my secret would have been out instantly.

"Edward seemed very determined." Aro's voice grew serious. "You do understand that if he does anything to reveal our existence, we will have to eliminate him."

I grew very still. "I understand."

###

Bella's on her way to rescue Edward! Very similar to New Moon...

-Anna


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

And I would have stayed up with you all night

Had I known how to save a life

-How To Save A Life, The Fray

###

I didn't bother filling Alice in on our conversation, as I knew she would have heard it all anyway. I understood vampire hearing much better now that I was actually one of them. For the rest of the plane ride, she alternated between staring at me and thinking deeply. I could sense that she didn't want to bring up another painful topic, for my sake. After a while, though, she asked a question.

"So you're… one of us now."

I nodded, wondering where she was going with this. She already knew the basics of how I became this way.

"Do you…" Alice hesitated. "I can't see you. Aro must have seen something pretty special to keep you, rather than kill you. What is your power, Bella?"

I snorted. "Which one?"

Alice's eyes widened as she grasped my meaning. "You have more than one?"

"No, but my talent allows me to do multiple things. It's very broad." I wondered how to explain it. "When I woke up, I assume my eyes were red, like any other newborns'. Then I began poking out with my power, exploring. It's similar to a… bubble. It's a shield, but it's also a blanket, or a radio tower. I can sense and identify the people it touches. I can see their minds, play around with them if I want to. I don't, strictly on a moral basis. I can also make my shield physical, like an invisible wall." I paused to take a breath. "While I was exploring with my talent, I experienced extreme difficulty. I realized part of my mind was subconsciously holding on to my shield, presumably as a self-defense mechanism. I severed that connection. At that point, my shield exploded. I _was_ my shield. My range is a few hundred miles, square, and it gets bigger the more I practice with it. When I returned to my body, the Volturi were circled around me, and my eyes were white. They turn a dark gold after I feed, and resume to white after a week or so without eating."

Alice was staring at me, slack jawed. Something seemed to be bothering her. "What do you mean when you say you _assume_ your eyes were red? Didn't the Volturi tell you?"

I looked at her with sad eyes. "I woke up alone, Alice."

_Her_ eyes were angry. "Those idiots. _We_ are idiots. Oh, why didn't we just change you like you wanted? You would've woken up surrounded by us, by Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Rose and Jasper and me and—"

I interrupted her, not wanting to hear the last name. "That might've been preferable," I joked, offering her a weak smile.

Eyes blazing with determination, Alice looked at me. "Well, we're not going to let him mess it up this time. We won't leave you again."

Nodding, I silently promised myself that I would leave at the first opportunity. I refused to be Edward's pathetic ex, bugging him for all eternity.

…

When we arrived at the airport, Alice stole (or rather, _borrowed_, as she put it) a Porsche 911 Turbo. I would normally have objected, but I could tell that speed would be important. Alice had seen that Edward was planning to step out into the sun at exactly noon. I was, for the first time in my existence, glad for the dark cloak that wrapped around me. It wouldn't do for the Volturi to have to destroy me, at least not yet. I might ask them to once Edward left again. Just the thought made me wrap my arms around myself, my old method for holding myself together. Yes, I wouldn't want to live much longer. I had considered suicide often over the last ten years, but something had always held me back. Now I knew. I had to be alive for this moment, had to save Edward. I could leave after this, but inconspicuously. Edward couldn't start feeling guilty and try to kill himself again. Honestly, I was shocked that he'd even considered it this time. I would have to make sure he knew that whatever happens to me wasn't his responsibility.

When we arrived at the city walls, Alice and I both groaned. No cars were being let into Volterra. It was Saint Marcus' day. How could I have forgotten? But we both agreed it was probably better that I went on foot. If Alice got anywhere close to Edward, he would probably just act more quickly, to prevent her from interfering.

Alice looked into my eyes. "Run." she said. I obeyed.

I knew the streets of Volterra by heart. I took the quickest routes, breezing past humans so quickly that all they would have been able to see was a black blur, if that, and only for a millionth of a second. As I ran, inspiration struck. I removed my mental shield, leaving me completely exposed to Edward's talent. I probably wasn't close enough yet, but I would be soon.

_Edward, _I thought. _Stop. Don't move. This is Bella. I'm alive. I'm not dead. Stop…_

My thoughts on constant repeat, I raced through the streets so quickly that even a vampire would find me a little blurry. I eventually reached the Clock Tower, and groaned at the large crowd. I slowed down to human speed, but shoved my way through with roughly forty or fifty pounds of force. There were many angry shouts in Italian, but I didn't bother to address them. Because now I could see Edward, standing shirt off, palms up, eyes closed, under the clock.

My fuzzy human memories were pathetic, a joke, a child's crayon drawing of a person. I had never seen Edward before now. He was incredible, breathtaking. I wondered how I had survived ten minutes, let alone ten years, without seeing his face. I had thought seeing him would shatter me permanently, based off my reaction to anything that reminded me of him. But I was finally whole, like I hadn't been in ten years. I realized how stupid I had been. I had been trying to live without him. But he was the reason I was alive. **(A/N- Next part is mostly Stephanie's words.)** And the last ten years meant nothing. And his words in the forest, so long ago, meant nothing. And it did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him.

His eyes flashed open. They seemed to be filled with shock, or disbelief. I didn't have enough time to register which, because then I crashed into him. He stumbled back a few steps, which seemed to shock him even more. He looked into my eyes, stunned. Then he spoke with the voice I had been deprived of for far too many years.

"Bella?"

###

And… yep, I think I'm going to make you wait for the next update before you find out what happens next. Who doesn't love a cliff hanger? Although, I feel like I'm doing too many of these recently.

-Anna


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

I would do it for you, for you.

Baby, I'm not moving on

I love you long after you're gone.

For you, for you.

You will never sleep alone.

I love you long after you're gone

And long after you're gone, gone, gone.

-Gone Gone Gone, _Phillip Phillips_

###

**Edward's POV:**

I stood under the tower, eyes closed. While I waited for the clock, I was reflecting over everything I'd done wrong. This list was far too long, and most of it seemed to date back to a period of time eleven to ten years ago.

I had made so many mistakes with my Bella. I ruined her life, and now she was dead. I couldn't possibly deal with this knowledge for much longer. This was what I held with me as I prepared to end my life.

My grief-filled musings were interrupted by a mental voice. It was incredibly beautiful; somehow purer than any I had ever heard. But the message that it carried was shocking.

_'Edward, stop. This is Bella. I'm alive. I'm not dead. Stop…'_

I considered for a moment that it was actually Bella, then dismissed the notion. I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts. Perhaps it was an angle, telling me what I wanted to hear before I died. Yes, that was it. Perhaps it was even Bella. Of course she would want me to stay alive, even without her in the world. But I simply wasn't strong enough. I was preparing to step out into the sun, when the angel's thoughts changed. She was in awe, and wonder. An angel, in awe? Who had ever heard of such a thing?

_'It did not matter if he did not want me. I would never want anything but him.'_

My eyes snapped open. Did not want-

My angel crashed into me, actually causing me to stagger back a few steps. It looked exactly like Bella, only different. Her features were raised and highlighted in a way that I supposed other people would find more beautiful than the original. But to me, Bella could not be more beautiful then she already was. But her eyes- they were a strange but stunning white-gold, no longer the beautiful brown that I loved, but no less gorgeous or unique. They looked almost like... Like they eyes of a vegetarian vampire. Did that mean that she was truly...

"Bella?" I said, eyes widening, hardly daring to believe it.

She stared at me, then launched herself into my arms, which came around her automatically. It felt wonderful. She still fit perfectly into my embrace. After a second, I noticed that she was no longer warmer than me. We were the same temperature. _"Edward,"_ she sighed. I was shocked by the musical quality of her voice. She was one of us then. Her thoughts were filled with awe, bordering on... Her mental shield snapped back in place. I missed the sound of her mental voice, but I was fine as long as she was in my arms. Something struck me. What would _Bella_ be doing in Italy, much less as a vampire? No; it made no sense. I must be dead.

"Amazing," I said. "Carlisle was right."

"Edward," said Bella, "We're not dead. But we need to leave. I don't want to have to explain this to Aro..." she trailed of. Then she sighed. "Dang it. Too late."

A few seconds later, I heard the mental voices of two of the guard. They were blocking out their thoughts, like they had been when I visited their castle to ask for death, by thinking of random things that weren't important. For the first time, I wondered how they had learned to do that. Did they have another mind reader with them? Even while I thought this, I tried to sweep Bella behind me. She stayed put, as stubborn as ever.

Felix and Demetri approached. They looked surprised... but they weren't looking at me.

"Bella!" greater Demetri warmly. "We weren't expecting to see you back here for a few more weeks, at least. You look like you're in a good mood."

I looked at Bella. Her face was like stone. This was a good mood? More importantly, how did she know the Volturi?

She whispered in my ear, "In a bit." Then she turned towards Demetri. "I suppose Edward couldn't leave peacefully." It was a statement, not a question.

Felix spoke up now. "I'm afraid not," he said, his grin revealing razor sharp teeth glistening with venom.

Bella sighed. "Let's wait for Alice, at least," she suggested. "She'll be here in a few seconds."

Exactly three seconds passed before Alice arrived. She greeted Bella, then shot me a glare. _'Bella, shield me.'_

Alice's thoughts vanished. I was shocked. Bella must have a strong power, that she was able to do such a thing- that she was able to not only read Alice's thoughts, but also shield them. I was about to ask, then decided that it could wait, for now. We had been apart long enough, I thought, pulling Bella into my arms.

**Bella's POV:**

He shocked me by hugging me, and I tensed slightly on instinct. Frowning, he seemed about to pull his arms away, but I wrapped mine around him with an iron grip. He relaxed, but. I still didn't know why he had hugged me in the first place.

Then it hit me. He felt guilty. Of course, that was it. When I thought I had died he blamed himself. Still, going to Volterra had been an overreaction. I would have to set things straight eventually, explain that whatever happened to me wasn't his fault. He should be able to_... leave..._ without feeling ashamed. It wasn't as if he could make himself like me, just so I would feel better. My heart cringed at the thought of giving him a free pass to leave again, but I knew it was the right thing to do. But not yet. I would give myself this time with him. I clutched him closer as we walked down the streets of Volterra.

I knew that Felix and Demetri were staring slack-jawed at Edward and I. Their mental shields had improved over years of working closely with me, and yet they were still no match for me if I made an actual effort. Never before had I shown any interest in taking a mate. And yet, here I was, intimately close with Edward. Felix was mildly jealous, but I wasn't paying any attention to him. I was more focused on the bronze-haired god that I had never thought I would see again. I suspected Edward might have heard the direction that his thoughts were going in; he shot him a death glare.

The walk to the Volturi's castle was completely silent, except for the sound of our quiet footsteps on the cobblestone. The guards knew better than to ask me any questions and expect an answer. That had tried that for years before they gave up, and realized I wasn't giving out any information freely. Besides, I was quite happy where I was, in Edward's arms, but I knew that he would have to leave. I didn't want to waste whatever time I might have with him, as pathetic as that might sound, even in my own head.

Eventually, we did arrive at the less classy sewer entrance. I raised an eyebrow at Felix. He shrugged and smirked. It was the quickest way, but we didn't often use it. Alice went first. She hopped down lightly, landing easily on her feet. I motioned for Edward to follow her. He looked momentarily panicked. I realized it was because he was worried — worried for _me_. This gave me a warm glow in my stomach. I hadn't had someone to look after me since he left. I had all but forgotten what it felt like. A smile almost slipped through, shocking me. I had not smiled in ten years. Motioning for Edward to go on ahead, I contemplated these new feelings. They felt good right now, of course… but what about when he left again? I cringed, jumping down into the sewers. It would tear me apart. The pain would literally be too much too bear. I would just ask Aro to kill me, then…

Alice froze from her position in the front. Then she turned back too me, slowly. Through my shield, I saw a vision of myself asking to be killed, and Aro granting the request rather than let some other coven have use of my talents. "Bella," she hissed. "Please enlighten me as to exactly what I am seeing."

I flinched. Nice going, Bella, forget about the psychic. I frowned, and experimented with my shields. The mental shield couldn't block things in the physical world, and the physical shield had no affect on special vampire talents. So maybe a bit of both..?

My mental shield, and Alice's face, informed me that the combination shield was effective. My almost grin was wiped off my face by Alice's next words.

_"This isn't over."_

Who knew such a little vampire could look so scary?

Edward was very confused by this turn of events. He opened his mouth, but Alice beat him to the punch.

"Oh, please," she snorted. "It's not like everyone who knows you hasn't had to watch one sided conversations before."

He paused, then opened his mouth again.

"No, I will not tell you what we were talking about."

Edward shut his mouth.

We had been moving barely faster than human speed through the labyrinth of underground tunnels. But now we entered the tasteful lobby where Gianna worked. She looked shocked to see me with Edward.

_'What do you know, she's not gay after all.'_

I snorted at the same time as Edward did. We looked at each other and smiled, me for the first time since he had left. It was so easy to forget the last ten years of my life. It was as if they had never happened. But they had, and I couldn't allow myself to forget that he didn't want me. This wiped the smile off my face, and replaced it with a look of desolation. Edward looked concerned, and I barely had time to wonder why before he swooped down and kissed my forehead.

I touched my hand to my head, where his lips had touched. This was more than I had any right to expect, and yet I wasn't sure whether to be pleased or worried. I was terrified at how much harder it would make this when he left again. But my common sense was overpowered by my desire to just stay in this moment, where he felt guilty, where I could pretend he loved me.

Demetri cleared his throat, and I started as I realized that Edward and I had been staring at each other's faces for far too long. I looked away, slightly embarrassed. This was also new. I hadn't felt embarrassment in so long. I'd pretty much been a zombie.

Ha, more like a vampire.

I brushed off this ridiculous attempt by my brain at humor, and kept walking along the lobby, and into the corridor that led to the gathering room. I knew everyone would be there; Heidi was due to return at any minute. I brushed off my disgust at this, and put my hand on the immense golden doors. I hesitated, for some strange reason, and looked back at Edward. He smiled at me reassuringly. I didn't understand why he was looking at me like that. It reminded me of something… a fuzzy human memory of before… it was almost an expression of lo—

I shut down that thought before I could finish it. He didn't love me. But he was here now, and that was all that I needed for now.

I opened the door.

###

So… I'm not dead. Just busy with school and terrible about updating. On the bright side, this chapter was the longest yet! Still only about two thousand words, but oh well.

On another note, I've noticed I have a disturbing habit of leaving you on cliff hangers. That's probably not a good thing. I suppose you must be somewhat frustrated. I promise to update at least once more this weekend, and hopefully much more often— it's just that I have a history project that I've got to work on.

Anyone know where I can find info on the Salem Witch Trials?

-Anna


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer- Twilight and everything in it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I suppose I'll get over it one day.**

And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you,  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles its a very, very  
Mad world, mad world

-Mad world, _Gary Jules_

###

"Bella!" Aro's voice rang through the chamber with an out of place sense of cheer, as per usual. "And Edward! What a delight! And a friend of yours…" He was looking at Alice.

"Alice." I said helpfully, my voice settling into the monotone that I generally used when dealing with any member of the Volturi. It didn't work as well as it normally did. Maybe now that I had woken up, I couldn't go back to emotionless. I was too alive, for the first time since my death. Sadly, Aro picked up on this as well.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" chuckled Aro."It couldn't be…" His eyes locked on my position, barely an inch from Edward, and his protective position behind me. Aro's eyes lit up. "My, my, Bella, it couldn't be that I am finally discovering a piece of your elusive past, could it?"

I said nothing. Aro took that as confirmation, of course. He laughed, incredulous. "Now I've got to see this," he said, holding out a hand for Edward.

Barely concealing a smirk, I opened my mind to Edward. '_Take his hand.'_

Edward looked confused, but reached out to Aro and met him halfway. I made sure my shield was firmly in place, and watched with humor as Aro's eyes went from delighted to frustrated. "Bella…" he sighed, looking the slightest bit irritated with me. Edward looked shocked that I had done such a thing, and slightly amused as well.

"Sorry," Edward said, not looking sorry at all. He stepped back to me, and wrapped me in his arms. If Aro had looked pleased earlier, he now looked frustrated at having yet another mystery when he had only thought he would have to deal with me.

"What a shame," sighed Aro, genuinely disappointed, I knew. Then he changed topics. "So, I suppose you no longer wish for what you had requested?"

Edward's voice was flat. "No."

Aro continued. "I do not know the story, but I'm glad there happens to be happy resolution to it. "

It did not look like Caius or Marcus or any of the others agreed. Caius looked furious, as he always did when I stubbornly defied them by blocking someone's thoughts. Marcus looked bored… so, not much new there. I could tell though that he was shocked by the strength of the relationship of Edward and I. He told Aro as much by touching his hand. Aro's eyes glazed as he processed the information. He looked shocked for the first time since I had known him. He stared at me openly. "My, my. Mysterious past, indeed."

Nodding, I chucked softly to myself. He had no idea. Next to me, Edward stiffened. Aro was reliving the circumstances in which he had found me. My face, when he had seen me. How terrible I had looked, hollow and hopeless and broken…

I closed off Aro's thoughts from Edward. But it was too late; the damage was done. Edward looked horrified, and disgusted with himself. I had wanted to avoid giving him reason for more guilt towards himself. "Bella" he whispered, so quiet I almost missed it. "What…"

I couldn't stand to see the look on his face. Hoping that I wasn't being too brazen, I put my hand on his face and kissed his cheek. He looked shocked momentarily, then smiled down at me. So that was alright. But soon his face clouded over again. "Why… where did Aro get that memory?"

Looking around the room, I noticed everyone staring intently at us, Alice included. "Maybe… this is not the best place," I stated hesitantly. Edward seemed to remember where we were, and nodded at me. I took his hand, and led him through a set of side doors, motioning for Alice to follow. We went through a complex labyrinth of doors and staircases, finally arriving at a blank brick wall. I put my hand on it, and flipped a switch, causing it to swing open. We came out at my room. Alice and Edward gasped. I supposed that it looked impressive to an outsider. There were slits in the wall through which sunlight from the fading afternoon illuminated the room. In the corner there was an exact replica of the Cullens'. It had been nearly half a decade before I could bring myself to try to play it. The design of my room was simple; an ivory and royal blue bed, a closet full of jeans, tops, and dark cloaks, and a small mirror siting on a mahogany desk. I looked at the mirror now, remembering the weeks I had spent looking into it, wondering who— and what— I was. I looked away— I didn't want to relive those times any sooner than I had to.

Other than that, my room was highly dull. The only memories I had were a picture of Charlie and Renee and me as a baby. It was one of my only connections to human life, and the only personal touch in my room. I had never even considered getting music or books. I had no interests; Edward was my life, before and after he left. The Cullens were the colorful undertones, sources of humor and love, like a family I had never known I wanted. All the Cullens were like a beautiful gift, and I suppose I should have suspected that it was too good to last. I noticed that Alice and Edward were watching me as I went around my room, touching things with a pained expression on my face. I turned to them, and sat down on the corner of my bed, motioning for them to do the same. They did so slowly, waiting for me to start speaking. Alice had forgotten all but the memory of the pain from the plain trip, so I'd have to relate all of it again.

"I chose this room," I began abruptly. "Aro was in favor of me having a larger, more extravagant room nearer to the main room. I declined. This room was more private… even with vampire hearing, most can't hear through the think walls. Also, very few know of it's existence, which suits me." Alice and Edward were still looking at me, the former somewhat impatiently. I couldn't read Edward's expression. I knew I couldn't keep avoiding it. I began my story.

"The day Edward left… was probably the worst of my life, or my existence, now. I remember it so clearly, more clearly than Charlie's face or than the flames, the burning. I literally couldn't cope, it was killing me inside." I was putting this lightly, not wanting Edward to feel more guilt than he already did. That didn't stop his face from twisting into a painful grimace. "I couldn't stand it, the wondering why I… why I wasn't good enough, if it was because I wasn't pretty, or because I was too delicate…" I trailed off, frightened by the look on Edward's face. It looked like he was only being held back from breaking something by Alice's hand on his shoulder. It was a mixture of regret, and horror, and fury. Why was he so mad with me? I didn't understand it. Or maybe he was mad at himself, blaming himself for making me feel bad, even though it was hardly his fault. After all, I'd known all along that I wasn't good enough for him. I plowed on, looking away from his face. "So, I got on a plane to Italy… I remembered the Volturi, and I went there, and I looked for them, and they didn't kill me, because I was still a mental mute. Aro thought that this was promising, and changed me. And they tried to get me to _drink_ this woman, a little woman, about forty, with dark, curly hair clutching a rosemary, right after I'd changed, and I was going to, because she _smelled_ incredible, and then… I thought of you." I said, looking at Edward for the first time since I began my horribly run-on sentence. His expression changed to stunned. "And I realized how horrible, how selfish… how terrible I had been to Charlie, and to Renee, and what a monster I had been. And I knew that I couldn't go looking for you, because I _still_ didn't deserve you, not as terrible as I'd been, and because you didn't deserve to have your pathetic ex trailing along with you for eternity." I spat out those last words, to show my distaste. I still couldn't look at Edward. "And I couldn't kill myself, because I'd been selfish enough already, and I doubted the Volturi would grant my request, as useful as I could be to them. So I stayed, hoping I could do something useful… pardoning those who would otherwise be killed, curbing the more ruthless punishments the Volturi had to offer- in essence, working from within to protect vampires from the Volturi, who should've been protecting them." I felt the need to explain myself. "I'm so sorry for the problems this has caused you, I was just so naïve, thinking that becoming a vampire, selfishly trying to force myself on you when you had made it… quite clear…" I swallowed, "that you didn't want me. I'm sorry for that, I just made so many mistakes, so many errors… I did everything wrong, but I was so _lost_…" I couldn't continue. I put my face in my hands, waiting for them to be disgusted, giving them a chance to leave quietly.

Instead, a pair of arms wrapped around me.

My head snapped up. This was the last thing I had expected. I saw Edward looking down at me with the strangest look on his face; a mixture of guilt, and pity, and sadness that looked nearly as deep as my own. I knew I didn't deserve it, but I buried my face in his chest and dry sobbed for some time, a minute, or possibly an hour. Why was I still so in love with him? When it causes me so much pain? I supposed it wasn't something I could control. It was as inevitable as the sun rising, as the moon shining, as the waves breaking. I couldn't live without him, and I shouldn't have tried.

Eventually, I regained enough of my strength to push him away. Hurt flashed across his face, before he made an effort to hide his expression. I knew that I had made him feel guilty, and I couldn't take advantage of that. How to explain this in a way that will leave him in no doubt that it wasn't his fault? I took a deep breath.

"Edward," I started hesitantly. "Edward, I want you to know that this isn't your fault. You don't have to do this just because you blame yourself for something In fact, I don't want you to lead me on, just because you think it's your fault. You can't be blamed for not feeling the same way as I do. And you most definitely can't overreact like this when you find out something bad happened to me. Really, what were you thinking? How could you hurt your siblings and your parents like that? I-"

Edward stopped me. _Now_ his expression was mad. "You think I tried to kill myself _because I felt guilty?" _

I was confused. "Well, yes. It's the only thing that makes sense."

He was shaking his head before I even started. "Bella," he said, his voice wrapping around my name like a caress. "Isabella Marie Swan, I tried to kill myself because I thought you were dead. Not because I felt guilty, although that played a part. I did not want to live a world where you did not exist."

Now I was so confused, and I could only get a few words out. "But— you left— you didn't want me."

He looked horrified. "Bella— the forest— you can't honestly believe—" He cut off, taking a deep breath. "Bella, the forest was all a lie." He stared into my eyes, waiting for it to sink in.*

Everything I had known, everything that I had accepted as fact for the last ten years— was a lie? No, it made no sense. My words echoed my thoughts.

"No. Why would you have left if you still—" My eyes widened. He had loved me. He had left while loving me. But why? "Why?"

"I left to protect you." he said, ashamed. "I knew I was constantly putting you in danger. I never dreamed that…" He cut off, shaking his head. Then he turned his almost black eyes to my white gold ones. How had he gotten so hungry? But he was fixing me with the full intensity of his eyes, and I couldn't form coherent thoughts anymore. "Bella, I love you. You are my world. When I told you that I didn't want you— it nearly killed me, and it was a _lie_. I thought you would never believe me, not after I had told you the opposite so many times. How could you believe me so quickly? How could you possibly believe I could exist without you?"

"It never made sense for you to love me," I said numbly, still trying to process this information.

His eyes narrowed. "How so?"

I struggled to explain. "Well, I was human, and so plain, and you deserved better—"

His eyes flashed with anger. "Bella— you are incredibly beautiful. Then _and_ now. I left because you deserved so much better— a human life, a future." He sighed. "I can see now that leaving caused both of us a lot of unnecessary pain, and did no good anyway. Honestly, I feel sick when I think about how completely I've destroyed your life, sick—"

Now he was ranting at himself, and I hated it. I put a finger to his lips and said, "Give me a second." He went still, although his eyes were still pained. He had left while loving me, because he loved me, for my protection. He had gone to Volterra because…because…

"OH!" I said, nearly falling off the bed.

Now Edward looked concerned. "What is it, Bella?" he said urgently, perhaps forgetting that nothing but another vampire could hurt me.

I looked into his molten gold eyes. "You love me."

**(A/N: totally and unashamedly stole this next line from NM)**

Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."

"And— you won't leave me again?" I said, double checking, grimacing slightly.

He looked into my eyes. "Never."

And then we kissed.

It was not the same as all the other kisses we had shared. The was not careful— he didn't have to worry about breaking me. My breathing sped, and fire, so different form the flames of the transformation, burned under my skin. I entwined my fingers in his bronze hair, and he traced his fingers over my face. All coherent thought was made impossible. I was glued to him, feeling every curve of his marble body, not so hard or cold anymore but the same temperature as mine.

We both loved each other, and we were both whole for the first time since he had left.

###

Yay! Happy ending! Don't worry, the story's not over yet. It would be a bit mean for me to leave you there.

By the way, the paragraph I asterisked (is that really what you call the little star over the eight? Weird.) was just a bit of humor that popped into my head that probably had no place in this serious chapter. I was just thinking:

"He took a deep breath. 'Bella, the cake is a lie.'"

Sorry for all you non-portal fans who totally don't get that reference. I thought it was funny, but I'm not going to try and explain it to you, because it would take to long and this chapter is already 2738 WORDS! Even longer than last chapter! Anyhoo, until the next update!

-Anna


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